Stop liking everything I post. Stop stealing my music and posting it. Stop referring to me in your posts. Stop basing your life around the things that I say. Stop trying to get pictures and videos of me. Stop.
I always seem to develop feelings for people I spend a lot of time around. A victim of mere exposure if there ever was one; I tend to give up on those distant from me and seek those I view as familiar. I attribute this to my, lackadaisical, lazy, sometimes apathetic behavior, as well as my total lack of self-confidence. Every girl I like doesn’t like me back, and every girl I don’t like likes me, at least that’s how it seems. Even relationships with girls I could possibly have a chance with become strained when I initiate “talking”, only to back out days or weeks later, leaving our relationship in limbo. I always feel like I annoy people when I talk to them, I feel like I’m being obnoxious and that they’d rather be doing something else. I don’t know. College is full of new experiences and possibilities. Let’s hope for the best.
No matter how well you think you know a person, after talking to them a while you see parts of them you never really knew existed. Various personality flaws and emotional baggage. It’s interesting how similar we all are on the inside, despite how different we seem on the outside. I see some of her in you.
Just like that, he’s gone. After a long bout with cancer, my uncle Tim died last night. I imagine what he was going through as I happily hung out with friends last night. My dad and grandma are up with him and his family. At least they were able to get some sort of closure. Happy Mother’s Day.
Going on a date Friday night
At least I think it’s a date. It’s definitely something too serious to be considered anything but a date. We’re driving about half an hour to go out to eat, then walking to see an arts and film festival put on by a local school. It should be fun. I like her. I think she likes me. We’ll see how it goes.
Girls.
”_____ thinks he’s so cool now.”
“He has chicks all over his dick.”
“Girls always talk to him.”
I DON’T think I’m cool because you and your weird friends like me. It’s creepy and awkward and why are you telling this to one of my best friends? Please go away. If anything it makes me feel less cool and leaves me questioning if I can ever have a normal relationship with someone I actually like. Thanks.
I keep telling myself I’ll look better tomorrow. The day never really comes.
Parents shouldn’t have to bury their kids
And even though he may not seem like a kid anymore, my uncle will still soon be gone, his burden put on my father (his brother), grandmother (his mother), his kids, his wife, and the rest of his friends and family. My uncle Tim has cancerous lymph nodes in his lungs. He has recently overcome a bout with cancer in his spine, only to be hit with this. I cannot imagine how my cousins, his children, are dealing with this. I couldn’t imagine losing my father at this age, and I don’t want to. I feel horribly for my father. He hasn’t shown any signs of distress or sadness, but I can only imagine what he’s keeping inside, what it’s like to know you’re going to lose your brother.
He and my mom talk about Tim at the dinner table. Today my dad asked Tim what he believed in, what he thought would happen after he went to sleep one last time. Tim said he wanted to stay here, that he didn’t want to sleep, he wanted to wake up here with everyone else. My dad asked if he thought he would go to Heaven, Tim said that he thinks everyone will go to Heaven because Jesus died for us all. My dad said good, because he wants Tim to be there with him. My father and grandmother a going up to Pennsylvania to see him sometime. My mom said they should go up before he is on his death bed. I can see him now, deteriorated from the cancer inside of him, with his son, daughter, wife, brother, and mother at his side, waiting for death. It’s a horrible thing to imagine. It’s a horrible thing for parents to have to bury their kids.
If I have followed you, it is because I believe you to be open-minded, nonjudgemental, empathetic, and frankly, because I don’t know you. I will be posting various opinions and events on this page that everyone may not agree with, but should be respected nonetheless. If you believe yourself to not possess the qualities listed above, unfollow me if you wish.
I created this blog to get away from the socially awkward teenage girls of my high school who, upon discovering my Tumblr, continue to pester, suck up to, and lust after me. They don’t understand the dynamics of a relationship. They think following my blog and liking my posts will get me to talk to them, like it’s some sort of obligation of mine. I think they’re creeps for thinking that. I have classes with some of them. Most of them never say a word to me, and those who do ruin it by making a big deal out of talking to me by screaming my name, immediately following it with a screamed goodbye of sorts. It makes them look like idiots, and ruins any chances of further interaction with them. Not only because it doesn’t seem like they can function on a social level, but because they think too highly of me. I want a girl I can see eye-to-eye with, a girl that thinks she’s good enough for me. Not some girl who can’t even talk to me because of how much of prize I supposedly am.
One of the worst parts though, is that I share the same feeling of unworthiness. I feel like I pale in comparison to the girls that I like, and that they don’t want to talk to me. I thrive on positive feedback, but girls like to play the game where they don’t reveal their feelings, leaving me utterly lost. Do I keep talking to her or stop being such a creep and just give up? I’m not bad looking, but I would be much more confident if my skin were consistently clear. It would be so awesome to wake up in the morning and not worry about what my skin looks like. Just walk past the mirror without even a passing glance. Girls, the good ones at least, shouldn’t care about a couple skin imperfections and could probably get passed them pretty easily. But I still feel inadequate, and tend to shy away from those girls I have feelings for. The socially inept girls like me though so that’s a bit of a confidence boost.
Sincerely,
King of the Cool Girls
